Am I being too overprotective? Here are some situations.
--At school, they serve Lemonade every day with a snack. I don't mind the snack. My kids have some sort of snack mid-morning anyway. But lemonade? It's full of sugar. FULL of sugar. It's ALL sugar. My kids drink only 100% juice and I water it down. So I talked to their teachers and told them I would rather them just drink water or the juice box that I send in their lunch. The boy only goes two days a week but he is only 3 and doesn't need all the sugar. The girl goes every day, so she would be getting a cup or two of lemonade every day. That's terrible, I think. So I send a small water bottle with her three days and I've compromised and she can have lemonade two days during the week. Is that overprotective?
--The girl came home today with a short book and an activity book, all Shrek. A mother in her class had bought them for each child to take home. I know that Shrek isn't like x-rated, but it is PG. (I think it should be rated PG-13.) And I know that a 5-year-old should not watch Shrek (at least my 5-year-old). So what should I do with these books? I know that the other kids at school will probably be talking about them. And she wanted to look at them tonight while she was laying in bed, so I let her. But after I said she could, I thought that maybe I shouldn't have let her. This parenting thing is so hard. Is that overprotective?
--Tonight, Jim had football practice. There is playground by the field so the kids were playing on that. When my kids got to the top of the slide, there were some older boys up there saying some harsh words. One was a swear word, but the others were just harsh words. Words that I didn't want my kids to hear. I asked the boys nicely to please watch their language because my kids could hear them. Then I had to ask them again later. And that time, their mother, grandmother, or caretaker was there and didn't say anything. And I know she heard me. Anyway. I know my kids will hear bad language one day, but I don't want them to know the word dumb-butt when they are 5 and 3. Is that overprotective?
--I am very picky about car seat installation and buckling up the proper way. When my children were newborns, I went to SafeKids and had her show me the proper way to buckle them up (because there is a proper way) and I had her install my car seat base. When they switched to the bigger seat, I had her install it and show me how to so that I didn't have to keep going back. Now that the girl is in a booster seat, I want her buckled in the correct way. And she knows how to do it herself now, but I still look back there and check it. Since my kids are small, I know they will probably be in a booster seat for a long time. I mean, really, all children are supposed to be in a booster seat until they are 4'9" and 90 lbs. (And Jim makes fun of me because I barely meet that - I probably should've been in a booster seat when I started driving, haha!) Now that the girl is getting older and will be riding with her friends some, I am scared to put her in the car with someone else at the wheel and want to make sure that her booster seat is set just right and that she is buckled up correctly. Is that overprotective?
--My girl is a people-pleaser. If someone is being bossy just because they think they are the boss, she will do what they say. I've seen it happen. And I want her to stand her ground. I want her to learn that now. But when I've seen it happen, I jump in and guard her and tell the other girl that she is the not the boss of my girl. (This little girl, however, tries to boss me around, little toot.) Is that overprotective? And my boy wears his feelings on his shoulders. I want to be there to protect him and love him when someone hurts his feelings. Is that overprotective?
I know my children have to grow up and be independent. They already are so independent in areas of their little life and it makes me so proud. But being a mommy to them makes it hard to let go. My kids are growing up, I realize that. Of course they still need me, just not every moment. The Lord reminds me daily that they are His children most importantly, and I must give them to Him and trust Him to take care of them.
So am I overprotective? I feel like I am, but I don't want to change it.
11 comments:
I think you are great Mom! You love your babies soooo much, and that is very obvious to everyone who meets you. Just be careful that you don't protect them so much that they don't learn how to pretect themselves. You have to let go long enough to let them choose, then be right there to comfort them and teach them when their choice is wrong...And really, Ash, only you will know when the right time to let them do that is.
As for the sugar...hehehe...I love sugar! I fill my coffee with it, my tea with it, and anything else I can find. What is your concern with it? That it will cause weight issues? hyper issues? or just the principle of it all? I honestly don't think it makes you overprotective. And does it matter what people think about it? You are being the Mama your kiddos need you to be. You can only do what is best for you and your family...if that makes you overprotective, then be overprotective!!! The world needs more protection now than ever before!
I wouldn't consider it OVER protective. You are just a concerned mother, who wants what is best for her children.
Just because you want your children shielded from the dangers of the world doesn't make you OVER protective. We all know, as parents, that we won't be able to shield them from everything, but as long as they are in our possessions we will work our bottoms off to protect them.
Girl I am with you on all of that! I ask people not to cuss. I don't like morgan riding in the car with anyone else...i know I will eventually have to get over that. I don't even like her riding with her dad as he checks email and etc while riding down the road. It is your job to protect them. I would chunk Shrek. Also, I tell morgan that she can't watch Spongebob...#1 it is an adult cartoon. #2 I saw on the movie for myself where to of the boy creatures were performing a*nal s*x. I kid you not. Anyway, I remind her that we have so many things that we can watch instead of focusing on the one we can't but I tell her that spongebob is rude and etc and we are not watching him. As far as the food. I wish I was better with her on that. I think that comes from y'alls food background. Also, when we were in San Antonio I asked this chick to please stop cussing or go somewhere else....LOL. I needed a remote control to turn her mouth off. her friend informed me she was talking to her baby daddy.
You just keep in the word and be filled with the Spirit and He is going to guide you. You are so precious!
Honestly? I think you're being a little overprotective. As other said, you're doing it out of the best of intentions. But you could probably tone it back a little (which is difficult, for sure) so as to avoid hovering.
(Lots of great articles out there on the dangers of "helicopter parenting," if you're interested. I'm not accusing you of that, but it was helpful for me to see the pros and cons.)
Language? I will ask older kids to stop swearing around my kids, if it comes to that. But inappropriate words like butt/dumb/stupid? I usually just try to get my kids away from them, and then say, "We don't talk like that" if they try to repeat it.
Sugar? I try to feed them healthy stuff at home. But I don't want to make sugar the enemy. (Plus, even 100% juice is mostly sugar. It's natural sugar, but it's still sugar to your body.) So if they are out, I try to send healthy snacks, tell them why we choose to eat the way we do at home and let them start making some choices.
Shrek? Like you, I don't like the movie, and my kids haven't seen it. But if she got it at school, I would probably let her have it. Me making a big deal out of it would only "glamorize" it more. And in a day or two, it will be forgotten anyway.
So that's my viewpoint. Hope I didn't offend you! If you hadn't specifically asked, I probably wouldn't have commented. I just hate taking the risk of stepping on someone's toes when parenting styles are so unique. In the end, you only answer to God.
I totally agree with you on all of it. I don't think you are being over-protective. It is our job to shield them for as long as possible. We know it will be inevetable for them to one day be exposed to each of those things, but why so young. You do what YOU feel is right in your heart. You are a fantastic mommy, which is one of things I love about you!
Absolutely, you are not being overprotective! God gave us our children to love and protect. I think we have to seek God for wisdom and trust our hearts when we do. God's Spirit will guide us as we raise our kiddos. They will definitely have to enter into the "real" world at some point, but not at 3 & 5. You're doing great! Keep seeking God and trusting He will reveal His heart for your kids to you.
Blessings!!
You probably shouldn't ask me. I'm laid back to a fault.
I'm figuring out, rather quickly, that I can't shelter my kids from everything. I agree with what Stephanie said - - they need to learn how to make choices. And accept that they will make some wrong ones. Teach them right from wrong. Train them up in the Lord...
And sugar? Ugh. I try to limit their sugar by watering down their juice (a lot) and making kool-aid with splenda. (And will probably find out later that the splenda was bad.) I do it for calorie reasons. And for their little teeth. I don't send a substitute snack to school. I figured that what little they get there isn't going to hurt them. Just my opinion.
Good luck, Ash! I think you are a great mom!!!
Well, I haven't commented because you KNOW what a wonderful mother I think you are! I'm so impressed with the way you and Jim discipline your little ones...firmly but with lots of unconditional love. They KNOW what the boundaries are. What a blessing that will be when they start school. It is so apparent to me, as a teacher, when a child comes into my classroom who hasn't had clear boundaries set. Children need clear guidelines! There is still plenty of room for them to make decisions that are appropriate for their age within these boundaries.
You are your child's protector and advocate! You know better than anyone what your little ones can handle as well as what YOU want them to be exposed to. You know how protective I was with you girls...and I think you have all turned out to be very well-adjusted, happy young women. You need to continue to follow your heart...which is leaning and learning from our Father...in raising your children.
I love you....keep up the wonderful job you are doing in raising my precious grandchildren!!!
This is my first time visiting your blog, but I wanted to comment because these are some questions I've asked myself, too. This is my opinion:
*My goal with unhealthy snacks like soda is to teach my kids moderation. I don't want to "demonize" any food or drink, including alcohol, because I think that makes it more appealing to them. Like Kelly says, it glamorizes whatever it is, and I think the more important lesson is self-discipline and moderation.
*I don't mind Shrek so much b/c I find it amusing, but I don't want my kids quoting the movie or anything so we don't watch it. I think the activity book is probably harmless. Banning it will most likely make your girl more curious. Now, I hate Spongebob, so if my 5-year old brought a spongebob book home we would probably give it to the library.
*I have been amazed how early my kids learned some bad words, mostly from other kids, whether it was at church or at the playground. But I feel like it's inevitable. They are going to hear language that we don't use at home. Bottom line is that we don't use those words, and they'll learn that early, too.
* I am obsessed with proper carseat installation, and I've offended grandparents by it b/c they didn't see the use for them. For me, there is no budging with this one, and my kids know it. But I've learned that other parents have different standards for their kids, so I always install it myself in someone else's car and show then how to use it. They've always respected my wishes.
*I believe that we have to start teaching our kids independence very early, and this is usually much harder for us than for them.
There are some great articles about "helicopter parents" that were very helpful to me b/c I was this way so much with my first (she's almost 10). But that is not necessarily a good thing all the time. I love this article:http://www.babble.com/content/articles/features/dispatches/granju/overparentingcrisis/index4.aspx
I think you're awesome for putting yourself out there to be analyzed!! I just have to comment because I can relate so much -- like all the other moms! I used to like Shrek and think it was funny --- until I had kids!!! Now it makes me mad -- along with Sponge Bob and everything else! My mother in law gave Jacob a sponge bob outfit and I told him it was pajamas....Well, on the first day of school another kid was wearing that same outfit and Jacob goes "Mom, that kid is wearing his Pajamas to school!!" HA! Then, last weekend, I took my boys to spend the weekend with their Meemaw and I cried when I left because I was terrified that I didn't install the carseats properly -- and I even did the SafeKids thing several times! I just wanted you to know I can relate -- and I love that you're willing to be vulnerable enough to ask everyone's opinions. It's probably a matter of conscience. Good to see you today, by the way. Your kiddos are precious!
You don't know me... I found this blog from another link, but I thought I would just throw out a couple of comments. Asking advice from your friends is a good way to avoid objectivity, both because your friends share your values and they see you in the best possible light. For what it's worth, here's the opinion of someone who doesn't know you at all.
The first thing that I think is really important to say is this: in my opinion, the fact that you are concerned and trying to analyze your own parenting says much more about your quality as a parent than whatever decisions you make. You obviously are trying to be the best parent you can be, and are seriously searching for the right path. I admire that greatly. And I suspect you are probably a pretty awesome mom.
In my opinion, yeah... you're a bit overprotective. That's not a judgement, just a statement of my own observation. My question would be this: How many teaching moments do you miss by blocking off the world? Your children are really little right now. There is no arguing that. And when and where the ugliness of the world comes to them is still in your control, but when the real world does come knocking, there's a chance that your precious little ones will have some major shock and disillusionment.
Is it possible that you could use these moments (even Shrek) to look at and discuss what is approproate and inappropriate, or which behaviors reflect your values and which don't and why? Little lessons spread throughout early childhood, when children are sponges, can be a nice, gentle way to model how you live in a world that may not share your values, and stand firm without losing your stride. Expecting them to know what to do or how to handle those moments in life when all they have seen you do is run away from and ignore them... well, just saying.
Again, they are little... it's not like there is any rush. But that might be something to think about. Heaven knows I am not winning any mother of the year awards myself, but I think there is value in seeing the opinion of an outsider from time to time. Thanks for asking. I wish you blessings.
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