A little sentimental, that's all

I have so much on my mind. This post might go everywhere, but hopefully you will be able to read through it all and understand it.

Obviously, as you can see, my hair poll is over. My appointment was tomorrow. However, they called today and said they had to reschedule. My hair lady, Tracie, had a baby December 15th, and he got put in the hospital today for bronchiolitis. So, of course, I completely understood. Who wouldn't? The boy had an appointment with her at the end of January, so I just took his appointment. Jim's been taking him to SportsClips anyway and he just got a haircut and isn't going to need one by the end of January. I was planning on cancelling his, and now I'm so glad I didn't! It worked out perfectly. I'm still not for sure what I'm going to do, but I am leaning towards growing it out. I really want that new, nice hairdryer and a new Fossil purse with a matching wallet. Now, if he will just keep his word! :)

I've been really sentimental lately about my kids. They are just growing up so fast. I was thinking about pre-registration coming up in March and what I will do with the boy. Will I put him in 2-day preschool or 3-day preschool? The girl will be in school full-time next year. My time with them is running out. Not running out, but you know what I mean. My time having them at home with me a lot is running out. Now, I do complain about not having time for me, and blah, blah, blah, but when I really think about it, it makes me really sad. I've been watching them a lot lately and loving on them a little more. Giving them that extra hug and kiss. Dragging out bedtime longer than I normally do. (Bedtime for me is a quick book, quick prayer, and goodnight, but now I've started treasuring that time a little more.) It's just all flying by. And I don't feel like I treasured the time I had with them as babies as much as I should have. I'm listening to my friends who just had babies or are preparing to have babies and their sentiments about it all. They're just so much more mature than I was when I had my babies. I was so young. I was 21 when the girl was born. I was just a baby myself! And I feel like I wasn't mature enough to truly treasure it for what it was really worth. I mean, I've grown so much as a person since then and if I were to have a baby now, it would mean so much more. And that makes me sad. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm just feeling guilty for not thanking God as much as I should have, and not treasuring the time I had with the girl before the boy was born, and not journaling about all my feelings during those times that I became a mommy for the first and second time. It just all makes me so sad, because they are growing up. I wish I could rewind my life and start over and do it differently. I would journal. I would take more pictures. I would rock them a little longer. I'd sing to them a few more songs. I'd read a few more books. I'd spend a little more time praying for them.

But since I can't rewind my life and go back to those sweet times in my life, I'll just start treasuring each moment I have now a little more. Being upset about what I didn't do isn't going to change things. I just need to change and start now.

What I am going to do is write down their birth stories, though. I cannot believe I don't have it all written down. It's just a vague memory now and I'll probably have to have the help of my family to remember it all, but I'm going to write it down. I think I'm going to put it on here, more for me than for you. Reading Amanda's birth story Part One and Part Two is really what made me want to do it. It's just so sweet reading through it and remembering everything that happened.

It's the beginning of a new week. I've got a lot to do and even though I stay at home, it doesn't seem like I have enough time to do it all. How does that happen, my fellow stay-at-home moms? And do any of you feel the same way I do about my kids? I hope I'm not alone.