Beth Moore's new Esther study...

It's what we are doing at church on Wednesday nights. And can I just tell you that I'm loving it?! I've loved it from the beginning. Even though God's name is not mentioned in the book, I see Him all over the pages. His Word is just coming more alive to me lately. It seems hard to find time or even just take the time to read, but oh my word when I do take the time, I just love it! I can just almost feel God's breath coming off the pages. It's just sweet. I've never loved the Word of God more than I do. And He is just showing me how signifaicant I am to Him! And that just plain makes me feel good. But, He's also showing me parts of me that are so ugly and embarrassing I could crawl under a rug and stay there.

One thing he has shown me is my selfishness and ego...through Haman, of all people! The evil character in the book of Esther. I get a little confused, like Beth says, over his identity and ask myself, "Is it Haman or is it me?" But thank goodness we are not abandoned to our own self-consuming, self-destructing natures. God wants us to know that He is God and we are not. And I'm learning more about that. I've known it...but I want to live it, you know? I want to be reminded of this often. I need to be reminded of this often. Beth says, "One reason we desperately need to know our standing in God's eyes is so we aren't consumed with high standing in our own eyes or the eyes of others." He knows that nothing leaves us more hollow and empty than being full of ourselves. And that is so true! I've experienced it! The Lord is showing me more about why He calls us to die to ourself and follow Him fully. His plans for us are far higher than any plans we could dream up and He doesn't want us to cheated out of those plans because of our selfishness, ego, ambitions, pasts, or any damaged emotions. I am finding Christ as I've never known Him before. I want to lose myself in Him to see something greater. I want to resemble Him. I long to let go of my selfishness and my ego. I desire to find myself in Him. We, as women, have so much influence and Beth says, "The woman of the house can have much power of persuasion - both positive and negative." I want to operate in the power of the Holy Spirit and I can only do this if I die to myself and find myself in Him.

Lord, I long to find myself fully in You. Deplete me of my selfishness, my ego, and the pride in my life. Fill me up with You so that nothing of this human body will be seen. Father, You are my Savior. Thank you for loving me. I desire to be more like you. Amen.