It's midnight, and I can't sleep. I have cried my eyes out to God because I am so worried. So worried about my children, especially the girl. She has her 4 year old wellness check up tomorrow (well, today, I guess) and she has to get four shots. Four. First of all, I'm just scared for her. She doesn't know it yet just because I didn't want her to get scared. She tries to be so brave all the time, especially in front of strangers (like nurses) and really tries hard not to cry. So I know she is going to try really hard to be brave, but I know it's really going to hurt. Poor thing.
Second of all, I am scared about her receiving the immunizations because of the studies that have been done showing that they may be a cause of autism. I am so scared of that. I do not want anything to happen to my baby girl. Y'all, I have never been this scared or worried. What is wrong with me? Is this the enemy throwing these things in my head?
I just finished reading Matthew 6:25-34 when Jesus teaches about worry. He takes care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. "Are you not much more valuable than they?" Yes, I know that I am. I know that God will take care of me and my family. It is so hard, though. To fully surrender.
At Bible Study tonight, we sang It is Well, With My Soul, and honestly, if something happened to one of my children, I just don't know if I could sing that song and mean it with all my heart. Would it be well with my soul?
I have peace that Christ is my Savior. I trust that God knows what is best of my baby girl. (Wow, that was really hard to type.)
Oh Lord, my God, you know me full well. You know my heart. You see the tears. You hear the cries. Please, Lord, give me peace about tomorrow. I want to know that she is going to be fine after her shots. That nothing will happen. Father, be with the mommies who have lost a baby, or have a handicapped baby. Give them your peace. You are Peace, Jesus. The Prince of Peace. Teach me to trust you more. To surrender wholly. I want You to be more than enough. I'm desperate for you. Amen.
6 comments:
My husband chose to have It is well with my soul sung at his funeral. I cannot imagine a 20 something year old having the faith in God to know he was dying and to know that it was well with his soul. Well it was not well with my soul and it did not become that way for quite sometime and in fact now 5.5 years later I can finally say that it is well with my soul. I still do not fully understand the pain and heartache both of us had to endure but God has given me a peace that passes all understading and I can stand and sing it is well with my soul without bursting into tears anymore! And my boyfriend is planning to propose near Easter - I was married the Sat. before Easter Sunday in 2001 (although my anniversary was April 14) I am a little nervous about having feelings and emotions come flooding back but I am ready to move on and yes marry this wonderful man so I am sure God grace will see me through! thanks for giving me the opportunity to share about these feelings and relate to your blog. I visited from seeing your post on Lysa's blog.
Janet
Rest in His peace. If you have any questions about the shots and autism studies, Paul will be more than happy to answer them. Let me know how they go!
Oh Ashley - praying peace over you and for God's protection for your daughter now. It's ironic that you're dealing with this now, because we have been in a similar situation as far as trusting the Lord, this week. May you find comfort in the fact that NOTHING can happen to your family without God's approval. I know that you know this fact, but it comforted me this week. Love you!
Oh Ashley. Wow. I hate that you are hurting. But, you are right. HE does care so much for you and your girl, and His ways are perfect. Hang in there! I'll pray for you both!
Ash, try your best to take those things captive. also I try to take morgan a prize with me for the immunizations. She loves that and it is worth the pain to get the prize. also, whatever we go through God gives grace when we need it even if it is our darkest hour. i am praying tonight that you will call to the Lord and that He would set you free from all of your fears. Of course we get afraid from time to time because of our love for our fam. Also, I have heard that it is a bunch of hype on the immunizations because they were trying to say mercury was causing it and most of the mercury was removed from the immunizations.
I think you are worrying to from all of the prayer requests of your friends as well. Cast your burdens on Him and girl when you start having thoughts that make you want to freak out and fear turn to the word. I know you know all of this. I just know me and when I start dwelling and pondering all of the what ifs it starts to paralyze me and I must turn my attention to God. Love you and your sweet heart!
I just read your post and I can absolutely relate. We had given my son all of his immunizations and then at one point the Lord just really began to impress this point on my heart. Although it sounds odd, I felt as though the Lord was telling me to wait on any further shots. Not that I'm telling you to do the same, but just to say that I, too, have felt the same feelings/concerns. I did much research and finally came to the conclusion that I am my children's mother and that the Lord will guide and direct me as he desires for each of my children. Anyway, just thought I would share my similar situation. Sometimes I forget to trust my "mommy instinct" at the holy spirits leading.
Hope all goes well for you and your sweet girl today!
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